Colossians 3:18 - 4:1 - Three Key Relationships - Part 1
In Colossians 3:12-14 Paul spelled out some general attitudes and characteristics which should be in the lives of Christians. The paragraph beginning with Colossians 3:18 makes specific application of those general attitudes and characteristics to three key life relationships:
- Verses 18-19 – The husband/wife relationship
- Verses 20-21 – The parent/child relationship
- Verses 22-4:1 – The master/slave relationship
It is important to understand that this paragraph is talking more about responsibilities than privileges. As you read this, focus more on what you are to do than what the other person is to do.
Husband/wife relationship (verses 18-19) – “Wives, be subject to your husband, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them.”
- “Wives be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (verse 18) – This is one of the most misunderstood and misused verses in the Bible. This verse is not saying the wife is inferior to the husband or subservient to the husband. The parallel passage in Ephesians 5 makes it clear that the submission in the husband/wife relationship is a mutual submission. Paul begins that passage by saying, “…be subject to one another in the fear of Christ…” (Eph. 5:21) The key to understanding that phrase is understanding the verb “be subject.” The verb had two meanings. It was a military term meaning “to line up under” like soldiers would line up under their commanding officer. Some take that to be the meaning here. But since we are to be subject to each other, interpreting the verb that way would mean that every Christian must line up under every other Christian, which really makes no sense. The other way the verb was used was to mean “having an attitude of humility and selflessness.” It is just the opposite of asserting yourself. It means to graciously defer to another. I think that’s the meaning here. The wife is to graciously defer to and respect her husband. That does not mean the husband should not graciously defer to and respect his wife. But Paul is recognizing a special need in men, the need to be respected and taken seriously.
- "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them.” (verse 19) – This speaks to a special need in the lives of women. While men generally have a driving need to be respected, women generally have a driving need to be loved. This verse does not mean that wives should not love their husbands. It does mean that husbands should take great care to make sure their wives feel loved. As one person rightly said, “There would be a lot more submissive wives if there were more loving husbands.” The phrase “do not be embittered against them” is just an expression of love. It means husbands should not be harsh, sharp, unkind toward their wives.
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